Playing the Cunt

 This is my new place to go.

A place to post what I am achieving and post what I have achieved so far. In the hope that this place will become of some use to someone, somehow.

Lets starts from the beginning though.
So, I am from Sheffield, lived in London for 2 years, came back fucked up, and now I'm living in Nottingham.

Nottingham, I FUCKING HATE YOU. Why are you full of fine art and fashion students?!

I have come from a world of Death Metal and Satanism, where everyone is like family. You go to a gig at The Underworld in Camden, and someone is bound to know you, slapping you on the back, buying you a pint, treating you like a mate. And you may have only met them the night before in a  crumpled heap covered in kebab.
You actually make friends with and maintain friendships with people in your favourite band.
You get fucked up, smash something, make a total idiot of yourself, and people will still talk to you the next day.

I have come from that to a place where people are so tightly packed into cliques its almost a bit incestuous.
The city reeks of pretentiousness and for 6 months now I have been around people that make me fear my true self. It's not a pleasant thing and I kept as calm as possible in order to not cause problems for those closest to me, BECAUSE they are close to me.

These people hide behind their facebook profiles and request friendships and, being the noob, I dutifully accept, receive texts like "we should go for drinks sometime" but stepping into the same room at a gig or party and no one even says "hi", kinda hits one in the stomach hard.
"I'm not really liked here, am I?"
So I have stopped looking at them in the eye. I've stopped smiling.
Had a drunken fall out or two. You know the score.

I have learned many things from a  new friend of mine, who I met at Rammel Club, that it is better to be an outsider, to be hated. He says "Everyone in Nottingham dresses like they have something interesting to say, but they really don't" And because of this I am starting to accept myself again for all my disgusting, aggressive and dirty faults, taking the risk that I might actually lose friends of 11 years.

I don't outright wish to offend anyone, but unfortunately I probably will, as I need to speak my mind. I am dying here. No one gives a shit about what I do anyway!

I have always been a cunt.